A recent event in my family made me ponder on what makes a virtuous life.  How the people who knew you will remember you after you are gone?  Reading Richard E. Simmons III’s book “The True Measure of a Man” provided some insightful ideas.

I came up with three attributes that will make someone into a virtuous person and be well- though-out by others.

The first attribute is to have a good “character.” The best way to summarize what this entails is the ability to do the right thing based on sound logic.  This comprises decisions that are made on moral grounds – as well as those made on sound judgment, like those on how to deal with teenage sons and daughters or which are the factors to keep in mind when considering career choices or career changes. 

The second attribute deals with making decisions that are based on “wisdom” or sound logic. In other words, seeing things and situations as they really are rather than as they appear to be.  Wisdom is measured not on the quantity of knowledge that we have accrued but rather on the quality of what we have garnered.

The third attribute is to have compassion and to have quality relationships.  It comprises the ability to love and be loved by others.  Some people make the mistake of leading their lives based on comparing and competing with friends and coworkers.  Doing the latter leads to lives of isolation where, at the end of the day, the only friends they have are their pets.  Real friends are those that you feel comfortable tearing down your defense mechanisms and exposing your fears, failures, disappointments, and views on controversial/political subjects without being concerned with their rejection of you. 

But reflecting on leading lives of isolation, are you one of those persons who solves everybody’s else challenges without stopping to give them an opportunity to know you for what you are like? If you are one of these people, you’ll find yourself in a very lonely place after you no longer are able to render these services. Playing the role of a concierge will make you popular while you are serving in this capacity. These people are not your real friends because they want to use your talents — not value you for who you are. Real friends are those who know you for what you are really like — what moves you, what your victories and failures have been, how you’ve overcome your challenges, what lessons have you learned in your life’s pilgrimage.

As we consider our legacy that we leave behind, Stephen Covey in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” suggests what it would be like if we attended our own funeral.

“As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand.  There are to be four speakers.  The first is from your family, immediate and also extended – children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend.  The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person.  The third speaker is from your work or profession.  And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service.

Now think deeply.  What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you.  What difference would you like to have made in their lives?”

The late American auto executive Lee Iacocca said “Here I am in the twilight years of my life, still wondering what it is all about … I can tell you this, fame and fortune are for the birds.”  Living a virtuous life has to do more with the difference that we made in the lives of others.